Single Parenting

Please check out the current issue of Pregnancy Magazine (May 07) for an article by yours truly: “The Single & Pregnant: Dating do’s and some don’ts.”

More women than ever are choosing motherhood before matrimony. Data recently released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that nearly four in 10 U.S. babies were born outside of marriage in 2005—a new high. Many of these women are looking for ways to balance their pregnancies with their search for companionship.

Read the article for a few tips on dating while pregnant!

single, pregnant, dating, single motherhood, single mom

When Seattle Post-Intelligencer columnist Diane Mapes recently wrote a column called The Singles File: Don’t be childish about dating a mom, the men sure came out to “sound off.”

They accused us of being too selfish and not really serious partner material.

Many Seattle single moms wrote back, illustrating so clearly how off-the-mark these guys are. One woman, Amy, emailed her response to me, and I think it’s right on. See for yourself:

“I am a 33 year single mother of a 6 year old daughter. I was never married to her dad and have never been embarrassed by my life choices (frustrated at times, yes). I have dated off an on since my daughter’s father and I decided to throw in the towel in 2001.

It has been an adventure as much as an education in human behavior.

I look at it this way I have baggage- Mine is the carry-on kind. You can see it, you can see me struggling with it at times. A lot of people have more baggage though…the kind you store underneath in big ugly bags that no one knows you have until you are well into your travels. We all have it, it just comes in different forms and we have to carry it in different ways. If you lose your baggage you may lose important parts of yourself. I love my bags, they aren’t designer, but they make up who I am.

… Dating a single parent is a challenge, but relationships of all kinds are challenging. I have had one man I had been seeing for a while actually say to me “dating you is a hassle”, because I couldn’t just pick up and leave for the weekend as he wished. I hope the door hit him on his way out.

The advantages of dating me are pretty awesome too. They get the advantage of dating someone who has strong, clear priorities, knows how to truly put others first, make any situation more comfortable and no one can multitask like a single parent. I am truly a grown up full of knowledge and compassion. I have been through pregnancy and child birth so I am REALLY comfortable with my body and with talking about sex, birth control, STDs. I am attractive, bright, funny and outgoing. I have a great job and support myself and my daughter independently. I have high morals (despite what people may believe).

I have fantastic friends and the most supportive loving family anyone could ask for. I have an incredible, bright, healthy, beautiful, hysterical daughter. What more could a man want? I am a package deal, but they get a complete package.”

dating, single moms, single parents, men

For the most part, I work from home: as an author, freelance magazine writer, and editor. I’m often on the prowl for other moms — single moms, if I can find them! — who are successful at working from home, too.

Wendy Piersall of eMoms at Home “used to be a single mom living off of food stamps in my parent’s basement” when she started her first home business.

“You don’t need a great degree or an established career to work from home,” she says in an interview this week. “You just need to follow your heart and do what it takes to succeed (and learn as much as you can as fast as you can along the way!).”

Thanks Wendy Piersall… here’s to another a positive, go-getting mom.

If you’re a single mom who works from home, I’d LOVE to hear from you! What do you do?

home, work, internet, business, succeed

Have you proactively chosen single motherhood? Do you want to meet other women who have?

Then JOIN US at the first-ever Choice Moms Expo (West Coast) in Berkeley, CA on Saturday April 28!

200 women, 15 expert speakers.. childcare, door prizes, gift bags… FREE 100-page Choice Moms Handbook

Lunch included in low registration fee

Do you wonder how to answer the “daddy� question?
Are you building a multiracial family?
Are you considering having a second child?
Have you wondered about the egg freezing option?
Do you need wisdom from a financial planner?
Are you concerned about estate planning?
Are you contemplating making this choice?
Do you have questions about your fertility?
About choosing a donor or sperm bank?
About adoption options as a single woman?

CHOICE MOMS SPONSORS are:
Ameriprise Financial Planning
Reproductive Science Center California Cryobank Extend Fertility
Law Offices of Linda M. Scaparotti
The Sperm Bank of California Adopt International

Featuring local authors

Rachel Sarah, Single Mom Seeking
Karen Maezen Miller, Momma Zen
Anne Bernstein, Flight of the Stork
Diane Ehrensaft, Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates

Pre-registration required here.

single motherhood, single mom, choice, egg donor, women

When I became a single mom, I remember looking for any book out there that might keep me grounded. Are you in that place, too? Tammy Jones at Single Rose has put together an amazing reading list of books about single parenting, single motherhood, divorce, etc. — and some are just for fun!

You can probably find some of these books at your local library — or request one.

book, reading, single parenting, motherhood, divorce, single

Would you like to win a copy of Single Mom Seeking, “a sizzling, no holds barred book on romance and the single mother” by Rachel Sarah?

One of my favorite single mom bloggers, Solo Mother, is having a contest for single parents who are dating.

Send your dating stories to Solo Mother, and she’ll announce a winner on April 10th.

He or she will get a copy of Single Mom Seeking!

single moms, dating, single parents, Rachel Sarah, solo mother, contest, memoir, book

If you have a few minutes today, please stop by and visit one of my favorite single mom columnists, Ona Gritz, whose recent column, The Stepfather Question, brought me to tears.

Ona, who also writes children’s books, lives in Hoboken, New Jersey, with her ten-year-old son, Ethan, and here’s a taste of her recent Literary Mama column:

When I finally found myself craving male company, I visited my friend Sean from graduate school. We went for a walk in the woods behind Sean’s house and laid pennies on the railroad tracks to be flattened. Sean entertained Ethan with goofy voices and elaborate stories. I came home that afternoon feeling ever so slightly in love with him.

“He’s great with Ethan,” I gushed to my girlfriend Susan. “Interested and attentive. The complete opposite of Richard.”

“Okay.” She sounded unimpressed. “But how attentive was he to you?”

“Oh, he…” I paused. The answer was not very. I didn’t need to say it aloud.

“Just think about it,” Susan cautioned. “Would you want to be with a man who was more focused on your child than on you?”

“No,” I admitted. “I’d feel neglected after awhile.”

“You deserve more than that,” she said.

What I deserved. It seemed a radical concept. I’d settled for so little in my marriage. When it ended, I expected to feel bereft. Instead I found myself exploring great questions. Did I want a man in my life? If so, what shape did I wish that relationship to take? And just how involved should this person be with Ethan?

single mom, stepfather, step parent, relationship, Literary Mama, writing, column \

My daughter and me…

My online friend, Christina, who writes the all-inspiring blog SOLO MOM, recently pointed out a new John Hopkins study, “Should Single Parents Stay That Way?” The new study that shows that children who live in environments with high rates of transition — i.e., a single parent who cohabits or remarries but it doesn’t work out, so the single parent and kid must move — are much more likely to have behavioral patterns than children who live in stable two parent–and stable single parent–homes.

I’ll be the first to admit that this study freaks me out.

Because at the moment, we’re in a transition like this, as my daughter and I move out of the Boyfriend’s house. Talk about guilt. Certain factors, however, put me at ease. When we moved in here last year, no other factors in her life were different. My daughter goes to the same school, plays with the same friends, sees her grandpa and aunt just as often, and spends lots of time with her mama, who (most of the time, ha!) is a stable figure in her life. The study shows also that children with extended families nearby, who offer emotional support — as my kid has plenty of — do not experience as much instability.

single parent, children, transition, study, John Hopkins, moving, support, family, mom