Are single parents who want to date self-centered?
This is 3-year-old Sasha, daughter of one of the most loving and caring single mamas I’ve ever met!….
This dating how-to artice for single parents ran in my local Oakland Tribune today: “DF seeking S/DM for fun or LTR, if KID says it’s OK…When should you date again? Do you need the approval of those who stuff oatmeal in your DVD player?”
And it has certainly irked one local reader.
M.M., Director of Global Alliances at Unisys Corporation, begins his letter by praising my website: “one of the best looking websites I have seen. Everyone needs to be complimented on the marketing end.” (Ah, thanks.)
But then, M.M. goes on to say, “Sometimes I wonder if anyone has a brain left in their heads! ‘Dating’ for the children of single parents is a tragedy. Every reference to children in the entire article indicates the children are unhappy and in risky situations. The only ones served are the parents whose ‘libidos’ have returned. Having to watch the sexual-ization of their parents is painful for the kids. And when the adults ask the child if they like the new potential partner/date, what do you expect the child to say?! The children, especially in cases of divorce, want their mom or dad to be pleased (ie. not disappointed). This is backwards.
We live in culture that focuses on our needs. There are words for this: hedonistic, self-centeredness, and selfish (all negatives). And while I like my own pleasure as much as the next guy, when adults have children, we should be subsuming our pleasure for their upbringing. This seems intuitive and natural to me… I know. I have been there.”
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What do YOU think? Are single parents who want to date again really hedonistic? self-centered? selfish?
You can read the feature here.
February 15th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
I’d truly like to see the responses to this.. I’m going to link to you from my site.
February 16th, 2007 at 11:23 am
I think parents should be extra cautious about who they bring into their childrens life, but I have to disagree with M.M. I love my children, but there are times when I need a recharge that I can’t get from the little ones. This is not sexual in nature it’s having a relationship with someone for whom you are not the caregiver and who provides the support and love that comes from being in a relationship. I think my kids benefit from this because I’m happier and more at ease and that carries over into my relationship with them. I’m not about flaunting this in front of my children, but they are resilent and will adapt to the new situation if it is presented in a reasonable way. I think too many people self-impose singleness upon themselves out of guilt, as a way to redeem themselves in the eyes of the children. While this may work for some people, it could prove to be detrimental to others. Just my opinion though
December 7th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
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