“Are you an honest, big-hearted man with no addictions, except coffee?”
When I first moved back to California five years ago as a single mom, online dating was the talk of the town.
It’s so-not-me, I thought.
I’m the kind of woman who has to see a man in the flesh to fall in love. Computers are for word processing, not man hunting.
As my single mom friend, Siobhan, puts it, “I have to smell a man! You can’t do that on a computer screen!”
Still, my girlfriends dared me to post my profile on Match.com. I’m a sucker for dares. So, online I went.
“Are you an honest, big-hearted man with no addictions, except coffee?” I asked in the first line of my Match.com profile.
A funny thing happens when you decide to open yourself up to a new possibility, like dating. It actually happens. I organized all “my men” in a thick three-ringed binder. There was Gary, the divorced businessman who liked watching movies that make him sad. There was Robby, who looked like a Calvin Klein ad and went to AA meetings every week to stay sober.
I fell in love with the anonymity of it all, the minutes ticking by, my fingers tapping out responses. It felt so safe to be checking men out from my living room. I scrolled through hundreds of them, clicking on their photos.
But online dating is a demanding, arduous job without pay. After a couple of months, I had bags under my eyes. I was crankier than my kid.
My angel… As a flower girl in her cousin’s wedding
As it turns out, single motherhood has been my first lesson in learning how to date — for real. Pre-kid, I confused a red flag for a green light. Pre-kid, I didn’t know what my deal-breakers were — now I do. Dating as a single mom taught me to my trust instincts when they tell me to pause.
What I’ve learned is that no matter how a date ends, what really matters at the end of the day is coming home to my girl-power house and kissing my first love, my daughter.
I am first and foremost a mom, dedicated completely to my daughter’s well-being. She will always come first.
dating, single mom, single parents, red flags, motherhood, men, friends, dating
March 13th, 2007 at 9:22 am
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March 13th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
I would never date were it not for the internet, but that is due to my location. Remote mom in the mountains does not have opportunity to meet men, smelly or otherwise!
On the other hand, I’m not sure how necessary it would be for me if I were to live in an actual city. It might still just because I don’t go out much. I’m home except for the every other weekend they are with their dad.
I say go with what works for you!
March 14th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Jill, ah, thanks for making me laugh! Yes, I’ve found that even though I live in the city, my only opportunity to meet men happens in the, uh, check-out line at the grocery store. Good for you for putting yourself out there!