Single Parenting

Saving money can be a daunting task. Planning for a financial future can be even more so. But add being a single parent into the mix, and it’s that much harder. Lucky for us, the University of Florida realizes this and has created a great resource for planning and budgeting single-parent style. It’s titled “Success and the Single Parent: The Money Crunch” and it can be viewed here.

I especially love the worksheets that they provide and the step by step instructions. Check it out, let me know if you fill any of these worksheets out. I would love to hear if it actually helps anyone.

I mean that title literally.. “the long road ahead of us”. The company that I work for recently moved 50 miles away from where they were previously located, and from where I currently live. The commute started yesterday. It took close to an hour.

Typically, I’m not the type to complain. If it was just myself that I had to worry about, I wouldn’t even bother mentioning it. But the fact remains that this seems like another wrench thrown into this single parent’s plea for sanity and a slightly less busier life.

Yesterday morning, I dropped my son off at 1st grade at 7:30 am. I have to give my company a little bit of credit here; they are allowing a slightly flexible schedule to accomodate for having set times when I can drop him off and when I can pick him up. All in all, I’m only missing out on an hour of work each day. An hour that I can easily make up in the evenings from home.

As I started my commute though, it gave me an hour to think about my life as it currently stands today.

My Daily Schedule:
6:00 am - wake up
6 - 7:20: Get Sebastian up, cook breakfast, iron clothes that I was too tired to iron the night before, pack up lunch(PB & J just isnt the same sitting overnight as I’ve been informed) and get out of the door.
7:30: Drop Sebastian off at school
7:30 - 8:30: Drive. Now, this is the part of my schedule that used to be easy. 10 minute drive to work, no problem.
8:30 - 4:30 : Work (don’t we all?)
4:30 - 5:45: Drive home
5:45: This is where it gets interested. Screech into the parking lot of after care 10 minutes before they close. Rush Sebastian into the bathroom to change into his football gear. Curse myself for forgetting to bring a water bottle and adding another 5 minutes between here and football to stop and get water. Run out the door, zoom through the gas station.
6:00: Arrive at football
8:00: Practically run from football to our home. Get Sebastian in the shower, cook dinner, check his homework, get him ready for bed (teeth, book, etc).
9:00 - until?: Make up the hour that I’ve missed at work, clean the house, write various emails/press releases/online promotion spots for my start-up PR business.
Somewhere after midnight: Crash into bed only to realize that I’m still so wound up, I cannot fall asleep.

It would be fantastic if I knew I wasn’t the only one with this sort of schedule. Does anyone else out there feel like a madwoman just keeping up with everyday life with a child?

Exhausting, pleasurable, determined.. and oh so much fun

As a single parent, I always plan my vacations incredibly far in advance. So far, my vacations have usually just been myself, my boyfriend, or a quick weekend trip with my son. Next year’s going to be different. Next year, I’m going to take my hopeful 6 year old on a real, bonafide vacation.

I asked him, mostly for the sake of entertainment, where he wanted to go. His answer was to Hollywood, to see all of the movie stars. I don’t know about everyone else, but this answer seems like a product of his generation. When I was 6, all I wanted to do was head to the beach on “vacation” or go to the County Fair.

So it goes without saying that Hollywood is out as an idea. I’m thinking maybe a Disney Cruise, but I checked prices and they’re a little more expensive than I was anticipating.

All in all, I’m looking for budget-friendly, kid-friendly ideas. I’d like to steer clear of the “Disney Worlds” and the “Carowinds” and do something that is going to require little to no driving and standing in line. It’s a tall order but someone must have ideas.

I’m looking for those unique, “why didn’t I think of that” vacation ideas that are suitable for myself and a 6 year old.

My son has grown up in a happy, healthy household. A single parent household, but still happy and healthy. His father hasn’t seen him since he was 1 (Sebastian turned 6 this month). We live across country from each other, but that’s no real excuse for not even calling.

Two years ago, he called. It was his usual “once-every-six-months” five minute conversation. To him, that’s enough effort. To me, it puts Sebastian on another emotional rollercoaster. One that he stays on for about 5 months … just long enough for his father to call again and start the ride. This time, I thought, I was going to let him know where we stood. I told him to take responsibility and make a real effort. Keep in mind, we had this conversation many, many times before. I told him he had a month to show me that he was going to do the right thing. After that, we may not answer the phone. He never called again.

Much to my surprise, Sebastian received a birthday gift from his father this month. My response is going to make a lot of you angry, and make a lot of you cheer.

I sent it back.

Comment away .. the good, the bad, the ugly. I’m not 100% sure of my decision, but I am 100% sure that my son is safely off of the broken down rollercoaster.

As a single parent, I receive a monthly child support payment from my son’s father who has been absent for the last four years. I can imagine that many of my readers are in the same boat. I look forward to the payment and have come to rely on it.

I heard about a new “child support fee” this morning, imposed upon parents who are seeking help in collecting their child support.

The article can be read here: Single parents feel child support fee unfair

The jist of this new fee is that there will be a $25 annual fee for seeking child support. Something about this sounds a little wrong in my opinion.

As the author of the letter states, “Many single parents feel it’s penalizing the wrong people.” I have to agree with her.

While $25 isn’t a great deal of money, it’s the principle behind it that bothers me. What does everyone else think about this law?

I read an article this morning that talks about a radio annoucer, annoucing that she is pregnant. Typically, this wouldn’t be big news. In Korea, it’s big news because she’s single and fed-up. They are labeling her “another type of unmarried women - called a ‘Miss Mom”’.

The article continues to say that she isn’t like a typical single mother because she falls into a category of women who “deliberately have babies not necessarily by having sexual intercourse with a man, and they refuse to get married”.

The article continues on to say it’s a “syndrome” and that “they think they’d rather stay single than pursue an unhappy marriage to have kids”

Am I the only one who sees an issue with this frame of mind?

I disagree with the article when it says “many people worry that Miss Moms would burden their children in the future.” Before making a comment as strong as that one, we need to sit back and thinking about the burden of two-parent households when the 2nd parent is there, but largely uninvolved.

But even more disturbing is the threat of legal action. The article states:

There are also questions as to whether single women should be legally allowed to undergo artificial insemination to have babies. The current law covers the procedure for married women, but has no regulations for those who are single.

We need legal restrictions on choosing which method we prefer for having children?

Here’s a link to the article, titled “Miss Moms Raise Ethical Questions“.

What do we think about this? Becoming a single parent on purpose, raises ethical questions? I fail to see the connection.

I received this via email yesterday afternoon, and while I’m not a big fan of forwarded emails, this one was too funny not to share… Enjoy!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an,
Often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in
far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining,
constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

I read a great article this morning by Laura Coffey. Yes, the same Laura Coffey that I posted an article by a few days ago. The last article I posted wasn’t too impressive. This one, however, is a tad bit different. It’s titled “Make smart financial moves as a single parent 10 Tips: Survival strategies for moms or dads without a spouse”

Coffey gives us 10 tips on becoming financially savvy as a single mom or dad. I especially like # 2 : “Be up front with your children”

Growing up, my dual-parent household was never especially open about finances. As a child, I had no idea where our family stood in terms of income, expenses, and debt to income ratio. I wish I had.

In her article, Coffey says,

” Have an honest discussion with them about the family’s financial picture — especially if you’re a suddenly single parent. They have the capacity to understand their changed circumstances and help the whole family curb spending once you arm them with the truth.”

I think a lot of times, we underestimate our children in terms of being able to understand complex subjects, such as finances, budgeting, etc. The key is breaking it down into terms that they can understand. At the age of 6, will my son understand interest rates and mutual funds? Probably not. But will he understand that we have a set limit in movie money every month and that’s why he can’t go see every single kid’s movie that comes out? Absolutely.

Talk to your kids. Prepare them for their own financial future.

Next Monday, August 27th, my son will boldy take a step into a new place. A place filled with new responsibilities, new faces, new things to learn, and no Mom around to hold his hand when he gets a little nervous.

My son is going into the first grade.

From what I understand, the first grade is filled with spelling tests, new sets of rules, and 10 times more work than kindergarten. All of which I’m pretty happy about. If you ask me, schools spend too much time teaching our children how to socialize and not enough time teaching them fractions.

Sebastian is ready. He’s being very brave about the whole thing and is just a little antsy about spending another year with a teacher that he doesn’t yet know. Luckily, we have first grade orientation this Thursday from 4 - 6 pm.

Which brings me to my next point. I have to take vacation from work to attend this event. Do schools not realize that single parents exist, and considering we are a one -income household, have to work? Could they not have scheduled the orientation from 6 - 8 pm instead?

The sports arena has the same train of thought. Practices are scheduled at 5:30, leaving us just enough time to screech out of summer camp after work, pray that we don’t get a ticket, and come sliding onto the field at the last second. Nevermind dinner, homework, downtime, cleaning the house.. all of that can wait.

Personally, I would think coaches, teachers, principals, bosses.. everyone really… would realize that we are a growing population and certain considerations can be made.

How about all of the other single parents out here? How crazy do your schedules get in the afternoons? Do you think that sports, school events, etc are primarily scheduled for dual-parent households?

I’m back from vacation today and have been hit with a Monday like none other even before 8am.

The vacation, on the other hand, was great. Took in a concert, went to a car show, went dancing .. typical vacation activities.

In celebration of Monday, I want to bring attention to an article that I came across this morning in the Toronto Star. It’s called “Suggestions to get those synapses snapping”

This is a great piece by Peter Ehrlich on how to keep your adult life intact and how to remain a “thinker” instead of just going on auto-pilot as a single parent.

In the article he says:

Single moms and dads suffer from “Single Parent Brain Cloud” (SPBC), but it’s not fatal and you don’t have to jump into a volcano.

SPBC is caused by the following:

Years of baby-talk in the sandbox without the benefit of a partner to give you a break, so we’ve played in sand twice as long as a married parent.

Exhaustion from sparring with your ex.

Reading only People magazine, and only at the checkout line.

Dreaming, when it gets dark, only of bed.

Lack of buzz below your belt.

SPBC begins to run its course when your child or the last of your children turn 10.

At around that age, children leave your legs to do what you will soon be doing – discovering their selves. The result of the independent child is the medicine that cures Brain Cloud and puts your grey matter on standby for its “second coming.”

How can we take advantage of the fact that our synapses are ready to snap again?

Any great ideas out there to add to the list of how you keep your adult life intact while raising a child on your own? Let’s hear them … we can all benefit!

To all of my faithful readers, I will not be posting on the blog for the next couple of days. I’m headed for a “me” vacation, leaving today and returning on Sunday evening.

Enjoy your weekend!

As single parents, we know that time is money and money is time. But, I read a decent article on MSN this morning about how to save money by doing things yourself. Mowing your own grass, cooking your own food, washing your own car. The problem with articles like this one are that they state the obvious. I don’t know too many single parents who don’t already do these things on their own already. They are redundant. I could search for “saving money” on any search engine and most likely find 50 articles that say the same thing.

Here’s a link to the article, titled “Want to save money? Find ways to do it yourself”.

The author, Laura T. Coffey, even mentions to do your own hair and nails.

Most of these tasks: I already do myself. Yet still, the art of saving money as a single parent is a mystery. I’m looking for ways to really save money. Hard, cold cash.

What works for you? What doesn’t work for you? (After all, knowing your personal limitations is crucial). Let’s find some real life, tried and true ideas.

My son, who has just turned the young age of six, started playing tackle football a few weeks ago. He played flag football this past summer, so in my mind, how different can it be? So far, so good. That is, until they got their pads last night.

Needless to say, being a single mother with a brother much older than me, I was clueless about how these pads were supposed to fit onto such small “game pants” (another new term I learned last night). I had no idea how the hip pads were supposed to curve inward and the tailbone pad as a “tounge”. I was nearly frantic with worry that my son would be the only one without properly installed pads .. and would surely end up with a broken tailbone, a broken knee, and injured shoulders after just one game.

The coaches passed out bags of “pants pads” and handed these kids shoulder pads that looked big enough to fit any given NFL player who considered walking out on that field last night. My son calmly took what he was handed. No panic or impending doom was present in his eyes. He took it in stride.

Thankfully, the coaches asked whether or not we all knew how to handle these things. At this point, I didn’t care. I raised my hand proudly in the midst of the stay at home moms who had reasearched this and the moms who already had three other boys playing football. They knew, I didn’t. Simple as that.

In the end, my son just ended up with a blood blister on one of his ears (which the coach informed me was from not loosening the ties on the shoulder pads enough) and a few tears in his eyes.

First thing this morning he asked, “When can we go back to football”.

Thank you coaches for understanding that some of us single moms out there don’t understand the delicate art of football and thank you Sebastian for being a trooper.

They have their first game in September. It’s going to be an adventure. I’ll keep everyone posted.

The Mattel Toy Recall is big news right now since it affects so many different type of character toys that kids have right now.

I wanted to post up a quick link to the Mattel website where you can search by toy type, get instructions on what to do if you have a recalled toy, or just see a complete list of the recalled toys.

Mattel Consumer Relations Answer Center

Single parenting - a tough, rough, wonderful, highly rewarding position that elite people all over the world get to experience. As if we needed more reasons than our everyday experiences to rave about single parents, here are my personal top 3:

You Don’t Have to Share: I’ve heard many dual-parent household parents complain about arguing with their spouse over parenting ideals or religious beliefs. As single parents, we call the shots. We can turn off the video games for 5 nights a week, without the fear of a significant other running interference. These arguments aren’t an issue for us.

Revel in the Glory: If your child grows up to be the next President, you get to take all the credit. Even if it’s just a small victory, such as scoring an A on his next spelling test, it’s you that helped him study and provided that nagging “turn off the video games until you know your spelling words!� voice.

You Learn … A Lot: Being in a single parent household means that you wear each and every hat required to run a successful family. You learn about money management, child psychology, housekeeping, and management in general. If you’re lucky, you also get to relearn 5th grade math, every state capital in the US, and how to beat the 5th level of Crash Bandicoot. It takes a lot of brainpower to be a single parent, but it’s worth every cell spent.

In celebration of single parents everywher, let’s get a list going here .. what are your top reasons to love being a single parent?