Single Parenting

This morning, I had a great Live Chat with a handful of single moms at Single Rose, the up-and-coming online network for single moms!

Two of the moms are raising teenagers solo, so they talked about what it’s like to date when your teenagers are dating, too. Is anyone else in that boat?

We were a great mix, from California, Colorado and Texas. Please check out Single Rose.

~~~
Here’s one of my favorite new posts on the site, from Leah Klungness, PhD. Psychologist and co-author of The Complete Single Mother (Adams Media).

Leah Klungness tackles the myth that “Children raised by single moms actually resent and hate their mothers ….”

My two year old son lies on the floor kicking and screaming when I pick him up at day care. I make all kinds of complicated arrangements to pick him early so we can spend maximum time together. The caregiver tells me he only acts this way for me. He must resent me and, obviously, he hates me.. I am doing everything wrong.

You are doing nothing wrong and your child certainly does not resent or hate you! Toddlers save their most intense feelings for their mothers because they are most closely connected to their moms. Toddlers feel safest with their mommy so they literally store up all their “bad stuff� until they see us and then kick and scream, refuse to put on their jackets, cry pitifully, and, basically, make us feel like they hate us. It would have been kind of their caregiver to clue you in to this expected reaction, but sometimes there is unconscious competition between mothers and caregivers. If you picked up your son at the same time as the other mothers, you would quickly see that the “reunion meltdown� is typical in toddlers.

Every mother has the exact experience. These behaviors have nothing to do with being a single mom. Are you unsure about how to handle your child’s strong reunion message? The best way to handle these reunion messages is to realize that your child needs comfort, not discipline. Establish a routine for picking him up so he’ll know what to expect.

When you first arrive home, give your child some undivided attention. The dishes in the sink aren’t going to go away and can certainly wait till you and your son have had time to settle in at home. Keep your dinner and bedtimes routines simple. Your child will develop trust and confidence by being able to anticipate routines at home. Fortunately, this stage will not last forever. Soon he will be a teen-ager who conspicuously ignores you when you pick him up from sports practice or after school.