Single Parenting

For the most part, I work from home: as an author, freelance magazine writer, and editor. I’m often on the prowl for other moms — single moms, if I can find them! — who are successful at working from home, too.

Wendy Piersall of eMoms at Home “used to be a single mom living off of food stamps in my parent’s basement” when she started her first home business.

“You don’t need a great degree or an established career to work from home,” she says in an interview this week. “You just need to follow your heart and do what it takes to succeed (and learn as much as you can as fast as you can along the way!).”

Thanks Wendy Piersall… here’s to another a positive, go-getting mom.

If you’re a single mom who works from home, I’d LOVE to hear from you! What do you do?

home, work, internet, business, succeed

Have you proactively chosen single motherhood? Do you want to meet other women who have?

Then JOIN US at the first-ever Choice Moms Expo (West Coast) in Berkeley, CA on Saturday April 28!

200 women, 15 expert speakers.. childcare, door prizes, gift bags… FREE 100-page Choice Moms Handbook

Lunch included in low registration fee

Do you wonder how to answer the “daddy� question?
Are you building a multiracial family?
Are you considering having a second child?
Have you wondered about the egg freezing option?
Do you need wisdom from a financial planner?
Are you concerned about estate planning?
Are you contemplating making this choice?
Do you have questions about your fertility?
About choosing a donor or sperm bank?
About adoption options as a single woman?

CHOICE MOMS SPONSORS are:
Ameriprise Financial Planning
Reproductive Science Center California Cryobank Extend Fertility
Law Offices of Linda M. Scaparotti
The Sperm Bank of California Adopt International

Featuring local authors

Rachel Sarah, Single Mom Seeking
Karen Maezen Miller, Momma Zen
Anne Bernstein, Flight of the Stork
Diane Ehrensaft, Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates

Pre-registration required here.

single motherhood, single mom, choice, egg donor, women

When I became a single mom, I remember looking for any book out there that might keep me grounded. Are you in that place, too? Tammy Jones at Single Rose has put together an amazing reading list of books about single parenting, single motherhood, divorce, etc. — and some are just for fun!

You can probably find some of these books at your local library — or request one.

book, reading, single parenting, motherhood, divorce, single

Would you like to win a copy of Single Mom Seeking, “a sizzling, no holds barred book on romance and the single mother” by Rachel Sarah?

One of my favorite single mom bloggers, Solo Mother, is having a contest for single parents who are dating.

Send your dating stories to Solo Mother, and she’ll announce a winner on April 10th.

He or she will get a copy of Single Mom Seeking!

single moms, dating, single parents, Rachel Sarah, solo mother, contest, memoir, book

If you have a few minutes today, please stop by and visit one of my favorite single mom columnists, Ona Gritz, whose recent column, The Stepfather Question, brought me to tears.

Ona, who also writes children’s books, lives in Hoboken, New Jersey, with her ten-year-old son, Ethan, and here’s a taste of her recent Literary Mama column:

When I finally found myself craving male company, I visited my friend Sean from graduate school. We went for a walk in the woods behind Sean’s house and laid pennies on the railroad tracks to be flattened. Sean entertained Ethan with goofy voices and elaborate stories. I came home that afternoon feeling ever so slightly in love with him.

“He’s great with Ethan,” I gushed to my girlfriend Susan. “Interested and attentive. The complete opposite of Richard.”

“Okay.” She sounded unimpressed. “But how attentive was he to you?”

“Oh, he…” I paused. The answer was not very. I didn’t need to say it aloud.

“Just think about it,” Susan cautioned. “Would you want to be with a man who was more focused on your child than on you?”

“No,” I admitted. “I’d feel neglected after awhile.”

“You deserve more than that,” she said.

What I deserved. It seemed a radical concept. I’d settled for so little in my marriage. When it ended, I expected to feel bereft. Instead I found myself exploring great questions. Did I want a man in my life? If so, what shape did I wish that relationship to take? And just how involved should this person be with Ethan?

single mom, stepfather, step parent, relationship, Literary Mama, writing, column \

My daughter and me…

My online friend, Christina, who writes the all-inspiring blog SOLO MOM, recently pointed out a new John Hopkins study, “Should Single Parents Stay That Way?” The new study that shows that children who live in environments with high rates of transition — i.e., a single parent who cohabits or remarries but it doesn’t work out, so the single parent and kid must move — are much more likely to have behavioral patterns than children who live in stable two parent–and stable single parent–homes.

I’ll be the first to admit that this study freaks me out.

Because at the moment, we’re in a transition like this, as my daughter and I move out of the Boyfriend’s house. Talk about guilt. Certain factors, however, put me at ease. When we moved in here last year, no other factors in her life were different. My daughter goes to the same school, plays with the same friends, sees her grandpa and aunt just as often, and spends lots of time with her mama, who (most of the time, ha!) is a stable figure in her life. The study shows also that children with extended families nearby, who offer emotional support — as my kid has plenty of — do not experience as much instability.

single parent, children, transition, study, John Hopkins, moving, support, family, mom

Did anyone see the current (April) issue of Parents magazine? There’s a fabulous feature, “The Single Mom’s Survival Guide: If you’re splitting up, you need to help your kids (and yourself) make it through the rough stuff,” by Meagan Francis and Ilisa Cohen.

“After being a single mom for three years, I discovered things about myself I’d never had the opportunity to find out when I was married: I was independent and accomplished, and I was able to run a household, bring home a paycheck, and take excellent care of my kids. My children learned just how much we all have to depend on each other — and on others — to function as a family. As a result, they became more responsible and empathetic.”

I was caught off guard by the writer’s surprise ending, but see for yourself!

You can read the full article here.

single mom, divorce, Parents, magazine, survival, guide, single mom’s

I recently took a head-first dive into the book, “The Courage To Be a Single Mother” by Sheila Ellison — for my second time. I first read this book in a haze almost seven years ago, when I first became a single mom to my baby girl. Now, as I read this book the second time around, I’m more grounded and stronger. I’m truly able to swallow what Ellison says about loving myself, knowing what I want, and moving on.

If you’re going through a divorce, I highly recommend “The Courage To Be a Single Mother.” There might be a copy at your library; if not, request one.

Sheila Ellison, single mother, single mom, courage, divorce, children, love

I just discovered this really funny, poignant blog, WouldaShoulda, about an “over-educated, under-appreciated, divorced mom to two” who is “soon to be married to the handsome and wonderful—albeit geeky and pseudonymous—Otto.”

You say that you’ve visited Mir before? You know that I can be a bit slow on the blog roll. Here I am, at 10:22 p.m., with my Big Girl still stirring. Jeesh.

Mir says she’s “trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up when you’re already into your 30s [with] two small demanding creatures underfoot assume…. Sometimes, you’ve just gotta laugh. (Other times, you’ve just gotta scream. I prefer the former.)”

Ah, man, do I get that.

Her kids? Chickadee is eight-and-three-quarters years old, Monkey is seven, and they “are the most fantastic, wonderful, fascinating, aggravating people I know. If you read me for more than a day or two, you’ll come to know and adore them.”

You’ve just gotta check this blog out, okay?

divorced, mom, kids, wouldacoulda.com, family, marriage, Mir

I’m sorry if this comes across as self-promotion, I can’t stand that. So bear with me here, okay? One of my all-time favorite single mom bloggers, Kimberly at Solo Mom, has just reviewed Single Mom Seeking.

Solo Mom says:

I like Rachel. I like her in person (or whatever the internet equivalent of that is), and I liked her on paper. Which is what made parts of the book hard for me to take; at times, I just wanted to reach into the pages, shake her, and ask “what are you thinking?� Given that it is a memoir, we are treated to some of her thoughts on her various relationship misadventures, but not enough for my taste. To be honest, I would’ve liked to hear more about the single mom aspect of her life, and less about the seeking.

But maybe that’s because I get it when Rachel writes about being a single mom. I recognize the heaps of laundry. I’ve lived the exercise in military planning that a trip to the drugstore to buy tampons can become. And I certainly understand the desire to just fedex a guy from boyfriendstore.com, not to mention the need to entertain him in the living room. I just don’t get the seeking part.

And this is where I’d love to hear the thoughts of readers of this blog.

While initially I was thrilled to be part of this online dialogue — about dating as a single mom — I’m now taking cover. Numerous of Solo Mom’s single moms have lashed out at me:

“Wait, she let her daughter call a guy “daddy” when they had been dating for 3 weeks?! I don’t even have words to describe my feelings of revulsion…”

“I work in the field of child protection, and all too often, I have gone to homes where the mother has had multiple men in and out and has encouraged her children to call these people daddy, only to have them leave shortly thereafter. I have seen the devastating and damaging impact that this has on the children. Can you imagine being a little child and having someone to call daddy only to have that person leave?…. No, I haven’t been in your place, however, I too have had traumatic experiences, and I would not put my “issues” and needs onto my child in any way.”

I’ve made some mistakes. I’ll be the first to admit this.

When my daughter was not yet two, and we started to hang out with my then-boyfriend, she called him “Daddy.”

Should I have corrected her? Perhaps. But what do you say to a toddler? “I’m sorry, honey, he is not your daddy. You don’t have a daddy.”

I let it go. And so did she. Soon, she was calling him by his first name.

Have any of your toddlers done this?

Have any of you, as single parents, make mistakes?

Please tell you me have.

single mom, single parent, single, dating, dad, daddy, child, children, solo mom, ivillage

I think this beautiful poem accurately describes my path right now in single parenting and life… learning from my experiences, taking responsibility for my choices, moving on while I keep my eyes wide open… Is there a certain poem that describes your life journey right now?

Please send it to me!

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson
I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Portia Nelson, single parenting, poem, street, hole, moving on, journey, life

Single Parents… Did you know that tomorrow, March 21, is Single Parents’ Day?

Jennifer Wolf at Single Parents at About.com has posted sample cards to “Honor Mom on Single Parents Day.”

Check them out here:
“Use this note to honor your mom and say “Thank you” for all that she has done for you. You can also send it to her by E-mail.”

Sure, they might be a bit corny, but if my Big Girl came to me with one of these babies, signed by her, I’d be in tears…..

single parents, single parents day, honor, holiday, March 21, mom, appreciate

Does this sound familiar? There’s a great piece in today’s Minneaoplis Star-Tribune by Gail Rosenblumon on “When kids become confidants: Single parents often enjoy a special bond with their children. But too much togetherness could stunt growth — for both.”

Parenting is an exhausting, albeit exhilarating proposition. Single parenting can be doubly so. Still, despite loneliness, financial worries, or just a burning desire for somebody else to clean the toilets, many single parents say it’s easier to lean on the comfort and familiarity of their offspring than spring back into the adult world of dating.

Also the writer kindly gives a nod to “Single Mom Seeking: Playdates, Blind Dates and Other Dispatches From The Dating World,” and other books for “the growing number of happily unattached women of all ages,” such as “The New Single Woman,” by Kay Trimberger and “Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice: How Women are Choosing Parenthood Without Marriage and Creating the New American Family,” by Rosanna Hertz.

single parents, children, loneliness, Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice, The New Single Woman, Minneaoplis Star-Tribune, dating

This is what singles columnist Diane Mapes concludes today in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, “The Singles File: Don’t be childish about dating a mom.”

“Single Mom Seeking” makes it clear that, despite any and all challenges, dating with a baby onboard can be done, especially when friends, family and fellow single parents chip in with the moral, emotional and, most of all, baby-sitting support.

But alas, those anti-single mom guys are at it again, claiming that we “are not really serious partner material” and we are “over-focused” on our kids.

Single moms, it’s time to speak up!

If you want to read the comments — and I encourage you to respond — please do so here.

Seattle, single moms, men, dating, children, kids, single parents, Diane Mapes

Rumor has it that Kevin Federline is pitching his idea for a new reality show focusing on his new life as a single dad, according to the parent’s website, Babble.com.

Blogger Alisyn Cobb says that:

In addition to his kids with Britney (Sean P., 18 mos., and Jayden, 6 mos.), he is also dad to Kori, 5, and Kaleb, 2, with ex Shar Jackson… this strikes me as distasteful, if it is, indeed, true… In this case, I think any further exploitation of Sean and Jayden would be tantamount to child abuse; as it is, those boys can’t even go to the park without paparazzi trailing them - now their own dad wants to invite them in for coffeecake, too? Please….. I would hope that Britney’s lawyers would put the kibosh on any deal Kevin tries to make with a TV network - but truthfully, I wouldn’t be surprised if they had masterminded the idea in the first place.

During my own TV interviews about dating as a single mom, the producers have asked me many times if they could interview my daughter, too. Now that my Big Girl is almost seven, I’ve asked her if she “wants to go on TV with Mommy.” Across the board, her answer has been “No.”

She’s shy in front of strangers. She doesn’t want to talk about Mommy’s book. And you know what? I respect her decision. She’s a kid after all. She wants to color and make lemonade and play in the sprinklers.

What do you think about filming Britney’s kids for a TV reality show?… And doesn’t it make you laugh out loud to hear that Kevin is being referred to as a “single dad”? C’mon now, who’s really bringing up those kids in that family? Kevin, Britney… or The Nanny?

Kevin Federline, Britney Spears, TV, celebrity, celebrities, reality show, single dad, single mom