Ramblings of a Single Dad
A single mom friend in Seattle recently forwarded this posting to me — “Ramblings of a Single Dad” — which was on Craig’s List. It got quite a response on her single mom listserve, mostly positive. I edited out the swear words, because I’m not sure they’re allowed here…
Single dads out there, do you relate? Single moms, what do you think?
I’ll admit, I’m a bit discouraged right now. I constantly see women posting personals that say “no kids” and “knows how to treat a woman”. So, I had a long think about that … a very long think.
I’m a full-time single dad to a little woman (just turned 6). She is beautiful, and intense, and forthright, and peaceful, and happy. And I can say without feeling like a prideful ass, that it has a lot to do with me.
She has to rely on me … I have to be her rock, even when I feel weak and beaten. And stand solid.
She knows that if she wakes up in the middle of the night sick or scared, that I will always be there to comfort her.
She knows that I will do whatever I must do, to guarantee she doesn’t go to sleep feeling sad, or hurt, or lonely or forgotten. Sometimes this means just sitting there, silently until she falls asleep, sometimes this means singing a silly song to get her to laugh, sometimes this mean picking her up and dancing with her.
She knows that I will always hold her hand in public, and not if she’s not ‘feeling it’.
And she definitely knows that when I f-up, I’ll tell her “sorry i screwed up. you are a gorgeous girl and i’m very sorry” and hug her until the bitterness melts.
So, yes, I know how to treat a woman, better than most. The reason I know how is because parenthood has shaped me into a man a hell of a lot quicker than life would have.
A common objection I hear to the “appeal” or lack thereof of single parents is lack of time and energy to devote to their woman. They are right. Sometimes the women have to be in second place to the child. But a man in my position has three roles to fill father and partner and man. The jarring intensity and reality of life with those like me is that, you remove the dad from us, then you remove the man that is capable of loving so deeply and living so boldly, and all that is left is a f-ing guy.
Well that’s more than enough rambling from me. I welcome your responses, rabid or revelatory. Either will make me feel better … it will remind me that’s there is something other than mediocrity in this city.
- Single Dad -
Original URL: http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/m4w/315847024.html
single dad, single dads, divorced, single parenting, single parents, single moms, children
Want to start dating again? Consider online dating and post your free personals here today, you never know who you will meet!
May 3rd, 2007 at 3:46 pm
WHOOOOOOOO WOW-WEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GREAT JOB done in explaining what makes you a “great partner” who “knows how to treat a woman!”
That was SO MOVING!!! And very persuasive (and TRUE - I believe it)!!
Thank you so much for sharing that here. As a (very) single mom of 2 (overwhelmingly loved & cherished) beautiful young women myself, it is an especially good feeling to know that there are men (or even, “man”) who can really understand how special my relationships with my daughters are.
Wishing you and your daughter all the best!
Alexa
May 3rd, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Yes, I just wrote to the Rambling Single Dad in Seattle, and he says:
“I have been completely blown away by the volume and variance and passion of the responses I’ve received since my ‘ramblings’…. One completely unexpected side effect of my digital venting, is that most of the women out there interpreted (and continue to interpret) my ramblings as an actual personal ad. I guess that’s what I get for becoming careless with my Craigslist roamings.”
Very sweet.
Before I forget, congrats on the book. It is a stunning achievement.
May 26th, 2007 at 5:27 am
As a single dad and primary care provider for my two girls, I related very well to those “ramblings.” I tried to date for a while after the divorce and met several nice and interesting women but have given up lately because I feel I need to devote all my extra energy to my girls and feel this will be the case for the forseeable future.
Women I dated in the 3 years since my divorce would say they understood about the time commitment but then get upset when I had to cancel activities at the last minute when someone got sick or my ex flaked out on one of her nights, but the reality is that my kids will always come first and few adult women I met seem to be able to cope with that. I don’t know if this is a function of the dating websites (I tried match.com) or the women who were attracted to my ad, but I wonder if there is a dating website for single parents who want to meet other single parents. My entire ad content was oriented toward finding someone who understood the demands on my time and energy, but most of those who responded were single women who had never had kids.
June 21st, 2007 at 9:12 am
Hello! Good Site! Thanks you! xsgcremnlyc
October 17th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
It is WONDERFUL to see men that take an active, full time role in raising their children! I am not being facetious by any means. I truly mean it. I have been faced with the same obstacles - canceling last minute because my ex flaked out, my kids were sick, last minute project, etc. And I know that while most men will SAY they understand, they do not.
To you wonderful men, keep looking! You will find the right woman. She is out there, probably changing diapers and hoping you knock on her door.