What do you think about dating with kids?
I’m sorry if this comes across as self-promotion, I can’t stand that. So bear with me here, okay? One of my all-time favorite single mom bloggers, Kimberly at Solo Mom, has just reviewed Single Mom Seeking.
Solo Mom says:
I like Rachel. I like her in person (or whatever the internet equivalent of that is), and I liked her on paper. Which is what made parts of the book hard for me to take; at times, I just wanted to reach into the pages, shake her, and ask “what are you thinking?� Given that it is a memoir, we are treated to some of her thoughts on her various relationship misadventures, but not enough for my taste. To be honest, I would’ve liked to hear more about the single mom aspect of her life, and less about the seeking.
But maybe that’s because I get it when Rachel writes about being a single mom. I recognize the heaps of laundry. I’ve lived the exercise in military planning that a trip to the drugstore to buy tampons can become. And I certainly understand the desire to just fedex a guy from boyfriendstore.com, not to mention the need to entertain him in the living room. I just don’t get the seeking part.
And this is where I’d love to hear the thoughts of readers of this blog.
While initially I was thrilled to be part of this online dialogue — about dating as a single mom — I’m now taking cover. Numerous of Solo Mom’s single moms have lashed out at me:
“Wait, she let her daughter call a guy “daddy” when they had been dating for 3 weeks?! I don’t even have words to describe my feelings of revulsion…”
“I work in the field of child protection, and all too often, I have gone to homes where the mother has had multiple men in and out and has encouraged her children to call these people daddy, only to have them leave shortly thereafter. I have seen the devastating and damaging impact that this has on the children. Can you imagine being a little child and having someone to call daddy only to have that person leave?…. No, I haven’t been in your place, however, I too have had traumatic experiences, and I would not put my “issues” and needs onto my child in any way.”
I’ve made some mistakes. I’ll be the first to admit this.
When my daughter was not yet two, and we started to hang out with my then-boyfriend, she called him “Daddy.”
Should I have corrected her? Perhaps. But what do you say to a toddler? “I’m sorry, honey, he is not your daddy. You don’t have a daddy.”
I let it go. And so did she. Soon, she was calling him by his first name.
Have any of your toddlers done this?
Have any of you, as single parents, make mistakes?
Please tell you me have.
single mom, single parent, single, dating, dad, daddy, child, children, solo mom, ivillage
April 1st, 2007 at 9:08 am
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptWhile initially I was thrilled to be part of this online dialogue — about dating as a single mom — I’m now taking cover. Numerous of Solo Mom’s single moms have lashed out at me:. “Wait, she let her daughter call a guy “daddyâ€? when they … [...]
April 1st, 2007 at 9:10 am
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptWhile initially I was thrilled to be part of this online dialogue — about dating as a single mom — I’m now taking cover. Numerous of Solo Mom’s single moms have lashed out at me:. “Wait, she let her daughter call a guy “daddyâ€? when they … [...]
April 6th, 2007 at 11:41 am
I just found this website/blog - and I’m excited and hopeful about it because I have been NEEDING to connect with other single moms. We’ll see if I’m in the right place.
Anyway - as a woman who has ended up being a single mom TWICE (have 2 children - EIGHT YEARS APART) - my experience is that there are plenty of praises for us, as a people, as well as many CRITICISMS - such as this scrutinizing and evaluation of “our” dating habits.
I believe my first child called one of my boyfriends that I had back then - “Daddy” - but at the same time, I don’t think she WAS calling HIM “Daddy” in the way WE understand it. I believe she probably was naming an object . . . ya know? There’s that stage of pointing to things and saying, “duck” or “light” (or more like “yite”), etc. I have no brothers, nor do I have barely any male relatives besides my own father. So - I wasn’t too concerned that she called my boyfriend “Daddy” once or twice. I knew she wasn’t “processing” this friend of mine as being her biological father and all of the heaviness that entails.
To each of the single moms out there I say: YOU know best whether or not your child calling someone “Daddy” is a truly traumatic, irreparably harmful event or not.
And, YES - I have made mistakes. And other single mom’s have too. Most minor. Some not so minor. Same with married mothers. Let us all “counsel” one another with respect.
April 6th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Hi Alexa,
Thank you so much for your thoughful, honest comment… I truly look forward to being in touch.
Let’s welcome other single moms like you!
Best,
Rachel
December 28th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
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